Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
