I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
