k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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