The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
