3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
