i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize