you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
