Where is the hickey?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
