Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
