i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
