We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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