I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
