I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Bring me that man meat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize