areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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