somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize