My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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