there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
