now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize