she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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