I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
