And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
