just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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