first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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