the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
