We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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