feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
