DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
