I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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