you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
