Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this boner is exhausting
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
