i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
