I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
