Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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