she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
