i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
