They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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