I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
