first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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