belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We named our party play list daddy issues
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
