Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
