dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
try to milk me bitch
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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