so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
