dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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