her vagine was all disorganized.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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