Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
