My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
