I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
