Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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