I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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