1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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