That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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