and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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