Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
