She is in my trunk
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
