Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
