my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
