Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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