obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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