When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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