I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
