Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
