you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
