apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
