There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Randomize
