i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
