I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize