so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize