There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
