My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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