my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
