six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
