Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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