When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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