Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
