You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
