im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
