wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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