look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
